Friday, October 14, 2005


Jigger-woggy-wumpus...

That is the only way to describe this quilt. Can you see the amount of...wumpus hanging off the roller? As I was putting the quilt onto the frame, I was feeling a little annoyed as the backing was the exact same size as the top. A big no-no. I specifically told her that I needed 10 extra inches in length and width. But- and I am trying very hard not to whine here- just state facts, but why oh why, is this a difficult concept? I can't tell you how often this happens and it is one of the reasons I am headed into semi-retirement come Xmas. That, and the jigger-woggy-wumpus quilts. I am sure you have met a few of their relatives. They are for sale all over the country- quilt tops who look innocent enough, but I feel it is my duty to warn you that the jigger-woggy-wumpus quilt is anything but innocent. Why do you think it is in a flea market? Shall I tell you? Because somebody who has no business behind the needle of a sewing machine made a quilt top and then found out that, oh my, block sizes and seam allowances should be consistent? WHAT are seam allowances? Anyway, they usually sell for under 30 bucks and if you purchase one, you have just overpaid by about 30 bucks! Another clue is the liberal use of gauze that is impersonating actual fabric. Now the real danger of the jigger-woggy-wumpus quilt is that there are authentic quilt tops out there that go for a steeper price, but don't think that the JWW is a bargain, sister, 'cause you gotta hear the rest of my story. I decide to put the quilt on and quilt it even though I am in doubt, serious doubt, that there will be enough backing. But I told her the correct amount, and I am in no mood to suffer fools lightly. Lo, and behold, she did measure and there is enough backing for the quilt- on one side!! Yes the jigger-woggy-wumpus quilt is 10" longer on one side than on the other- oh, and 8" wider at the top than on the bottom. Now how in this everlovin' world am I to make a rectangle out of a trapezoid??!! Focus, Nina, focus. I don't have the time or the inclination to stop and cry over it. Why should this be my problem? So I pick out a nice dense pantograph- 'cause even though I say I am gonna be cold and heartless, there is way too much of the recovering perfectionist in me to actually watch while I put more tucks in that quilt than a Calista Flockhart ballgown. I console myself that the dear friend who, poor dear, bought this mess is nearly blind. I don't mean to sound cold, but it is a sort of consolation. But my pride tries to get in the way and now I am wondering how to deliver it without anyone else seeing it. From a distance- of about 100 yards!!- it doesn't look too bad. And the back-plain muslin, looks real nice. Oh brother! Down with all jigger-woggy-wumpus quilts! They gotta die.

5 comments:

Bonnie said...

*HOWLINGGGGG!!!!* Oh My GOODNESS! I had the evil-twin-sister to that quilt at my house today! This was a Tshirt quilt made with no pattern, and without stabilizing of any kind behind the Tshirt blocks. They hung like saggy awnings between the sashings! After finding it will not roll up on the rollers right, and the customer did not include BACKING fabric at all with it....I sent her an email back saying there is too much fullness to be worked in by machine. She would do better to layer it with thick poly batting (maybe...4 layers?? *LOL*) and TIE IT!! I'm sending it back to her tomorrow. I just can't face another one of these either, and I'd rather send it back to her, than quilt it and have her hate the quilting job after I put effort in it...I just can't face these anymore either. you are RIGHT...they need to DIE DIE DIE!!

I feel your pain.

Bonnie

Darcie said...

OH NINES...BONNIE!!! I wish I couldn't...but I can soooo understand where you both are!!!

Nina...you are too, too funny!!! I'm sorry! But I'm still laughing!!! Not at you, but cuz I know just what you're dealing with.

I think...no, I KNOW...I need to keep this post of yours in a precious file somewhere. Because I know that I will someday need it...because I'll be standing in your very same shoes!

Bless you, child!!!

Like my friend would say: "It'd make a preacher cuss!" ;-)

Darcie

Nines said...

Bonnie and Darcie- You have no idea how much strength and encouragement your common commiseration provides. Sometimes I feel like no one has any idea of the battles I wage in that room! I wish I had the courage to have sent it back and say, "Nope, I'm sorry, it's terminal." Bonnie- I am so sorry it's wicked sister visited you- good for you for giving it the boot! You painted a vivid picture- I can just see it! Been there!

Dawn said...

Now I'm not a long arm quilter, but I did enjoy the post and comments! I just hope that those awful quilts are never mine!!! :)

Tonya R said...

I think it would be really cool to have it turn out to be a trapezoid, but that's just me I guess. Okay if there isn't enough backing for trapezoidal, I can see where that would be a problem. Then again, I don't mind tucks in quilts either... I know, that's just me too. Sigh. I just make NEW quilts that are jiggy-wumpus. hahahahaah.